This hesitation hurts I feel like my heart is going to burst, like all the tears I’ve never cried are trying to escape into the world outside where misery and darkness lay so close like a blanket of silken sorrow with a promise of no tomorrow.  Why can’t I just say how I feel, keeping it all inside until the shadows can no longer hide the stains the tears have coursed down my face, my painful past to erase.  Is there no love for me in this world, where is the happiness I have been promised?  Let me tell you that someday never comes and the gates to heaven are closed.  I have to find comfort somehow, I can not keep living like this.  I depress myself with my depression and whining.  I’d sew my own lips shut if the silence would not deafen me and weaken me even more.  I want to be held, is that so much to ask for?  Is it too much to want someone to love me?  Someone to want me?  Where did I go wrong, what have I done wrong, why have I been hurting so long.  Someone please take away this pain, I can’t do this again.  Not one more day like this, not one more day of self pity or. . .